Just Divorced, Should You Date?

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By Agony Aunt

The general rule-of-thumb is the best way to solve problems is to prevent them. This is best accomplished by knowing in advance what risks you may encounter, so that you may either avoid or deal with them.

Going through a divorce is stressful enough , then when you have recovered enough to start dating again there are new potential risks to be aware of. Your mind has a lot of power over your actions , don't let the bitterness from your divorce ruin your chances of successful dating and enjoying those dates.

There is always some degree of emotional distress connected to leaving a marriage, but except in circumstances of extreme abuse which necessitate a modicum of professional help, the focus should be on moving on with your life, not prolonging the emotional ties to your previous marriage or your former spouse.

There will almost always be members of the opposite sex who will take advantage of your sensitivity and self doubt that nearly always seems to affect people after a divorce. You can use your friends and family as sounding boards, if they have a bad feeling about a person then this may be the time to listen to them. When you are more emotionally secure then you can date who you want without any worries.

One additional, and very important, means of safeguarding yourself from being exploited is to keep the focus of casual dating on the word 'casual;' you are keeping your best interests in mind if your social life does not include filling your dates in on details about your marriage, former spouse, or other personal information.

Casual dating means just that, casual, it doesn't give anyone the right to pry into your past over and above the information you may want to give. They don't need to know all the sorid details of your dating or marriage history, and you don't need to know theirs. If you don't want them to pry into your life make sure you don't pry into theirs.

After many years of being married it can be very difficult to get back into the dating scene. You may feel that you no longer know the rules of dating, what topics are safe to talk about and what topics are not suitable for polite company. Talking about your hobbies, music and where you grew up is acceptable, how much money you make or what your divorce settlement was is not.

In some instances you may inadvertently cause such a problem yourself, if you make the mistake of seeing your new dates as an opportunity to talk about these types of personal issues. If you find it necessary to discuss private topics, it is better for you to reserve it for your close friends or family members, not the people you meet in your new social life. It is not in your best interests to disclose intensely-personal information to those you are dating on a casual basis. - 20763

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